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Sep. 28th, 2006 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aidenfire[Poll #832480]
Please please comment if you have more to say. I left this open so that people could bounce ideas off each other, but if anyone wants me to lock it, let me know. I realize this could get personal.
Idea for this post from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iamthecheese78, here
This is what I said oniamthecheese78's post. And also, for the record, I'm talking about big love, true love, if you'd like, not that quick tossed off (*snerk*) ily! to someone that you really don't love. OK. Here goes.
Love is wanting someone else to be happy more than you want to be happy--not because you want to be unhappy, but because when someone you love is happy, you're happy. It's a selfish emotion expressed selflessly. It's impossible for you to be happy when they're not; it's just as impossible for you to be unhappy when they are. So, if you want to be happy yourself, you try to make them happy.
Love can only happen with knowledge. You must know the person inside and out. You must know every last little thing about them. There are no secrets in love. Love is knowing everything about someone and wanting to be with them for the rest of your life, in spite of any character flaws--again, a selfish emotion. You want them with you, not for their well being but because you're not happy without them. And--this is the scary part--all you can do is hope to God they feel the same way because if they are with you and not happy, you're not happy, but if they're not with you, you're not happy either.
Love is power and weakness at the same time. Love is a person having the power to shatter you with a few words. Love is fucking terrifying. You must let yourself enter into this massive state of vulnerability to really give and receive love. See that love is knowledge part? A person knows every tiny stain and fault and blemish on your personality. Tell me that's not terrifying. That's why the end of love is so devastating. This person knew you, not just the face you showed to the world. They knew everything about you, your most shining qualities, and your absolute worst. And they decided to leave. There's no telling yourself "Oh, they didn't give me a chance" or "If they'd only gotten to know me better they would have stayed." No, it's "They liked me a lot...and then they got to know me. And they left." That's heartbreaking in the truest sense of the word. That would probably absolutely destroy me.
Loving--being loved--is also freedom. You have the freedom to be yourself, to behave honestly and drop your masks and walls, without fear of rejection or of losing the love you have, because you know the other person already knows you. They already know your biggest flaws, your weakest spots, and they. still. want. to. be. with. you. That's love. (and, if behaving the way you feel is bad--abuse or cheating or whatever--then, sorry, you're not in love. See the first paragraph about wanting the person you love to be happy.)
Love gives quiet confidence to people. It tells them that they are valued and liked and someone wants to be with them. Once a person realizes that the person they love truly loves them, that confidence makes the neediest person secure.
The only difference between your romantic partner and your best friend should be sex and exclusiveness. (you can have many best friends but hopefully only one lover at a time. well, y'know, assuming monogamy's what you both want. if it's not, that's cool too, whatever, I don't care, as long as you are both open about it and happy with it.) Both can be--should be--loved. You should be comfortable with a person you love. There should be no off-limits conversation topics. Conversation shouldn't be forced. Love is the ability to sit quietly on the couch with someone and be at peace without needing any small talk.
__
What do you think? Am I way off? Tell me. I want to know.
Please please comment if you have more to say. I left this open so that people could bounce ideas off each other, but if anyone wants me to lock it, let me know. I realize this could get personal.
Idea for this post from
iamthecheese78, hereThis is what I said on
iamthecheese78's post. And also, for the record, I'm talking about big love, true love, if you'd like, not that quick tossed off (*snerk*) ily! to someone that you really don't love. OK. Here goes.Love is wanting someone else to be happy more than you want to be happy--not because you want to be unhappy, but because when someone you love is happy, you're happy. It's a selfish emotion expressed selflessly. It's impossible for you to be happy when they're not; it's just as impossible for you to be unhappy when they are. So, if you want to be happy yourself, you try to make them happy.
Love can only happen with knowledge. You must know the person inside and out. You must know every last little thing about them. There are no secrets in love. Love is knowing everything about someone and wanting to be with them for the rest of your life, in spite of any character flaws--again, a selfish emotion. You want them with you, not for their well being but because you're not happy without them. And--this is the scary part--all you can do is hope to God they feel the same way because if they are with you and not happy, you're not happy, but if they're not with you, you're not happy either.
Love is power and weakness at the same time. Love is a person having the power to shatter you with a few words. Love is fucking terrifying. You must let yourself enter into this massive state of vulnerability to really give and receive love. See that love is knowledge part? A person knows every tiny stain and fault and blemish on your personality. Tell me that's not terrifying. That's why the end of love is so devastating. This person knew you, not just the face you showed to the world. They knew everything about you, your most shining qualities, and your absolute worst. And they decided to leave. There's no telling yourself "Oh, they didn't give me a chance" or "If they'd only gotten to know me better they would have stayed." No, it's "They liked me a lot...and then they got to know me. And they left." That's heartbreaking in the truest sense of the word. That would probably absolutely destroy me.
Loving--being loved--is also freedom. You have the freedom to be yourself, to behave honestly and drop your masks and walls, without fear of rejection or of losing the love you have, because you know the other person already knows you. They already know your biggest flaws, your weakest spots, and they. still. want. to. be. with. you. That's love. (and, if behaving the way you feel is bad--abuse or cheating or whatever--then, sorry, you're not in love. See the first paragraph about wanting the person you love to be happy.)
Love gives quiet confidence to people. It tells them that they are valued and liked and someone wants to be with them. Once a person realizes that the person they love truly loves them, that confidence makes the neediest person secure.
The only difference between your romantic partner and your best friend should be sex and exclusiveness. (you can have many best friends but hopefully only one lover at a time. well, y'know, assuming monogamy's what you both want. if it's not, that's cool too, whatever, I don't care, as long as you are both open about it and happy with it.) Both can be--should be--loved. You should be comfortable with a person you love. There should be no off-limits conversation topics. Conversation shouldn't be forced. Love is the ability to sit quietly on the couch with someone and be at peace without needing any small talk.
__
What do you think? Am I way off? Tell me. I want to know.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 01:32 am (UTC)in a lame way.
and i responded to your poll, and...i'm still looking for answers.
i think i always will be. i'm never satisfied when it comes to these types of things. oh, well.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 12:23 am (UTC)Y'know, I think looking for answers is a good thing, because it means that you're still always looking. You don't let things get stagnant, or just accept "because we've always done it like this" for an answer.