Fic!

Dec. 14th, 2004 09:31 am
aidenfire: (Default)
[personal profile] aidenfire
Title: September 27th
Author: [livejournal.com profile] aidenfire
For: [livejournal.com profile] clearly_unable, H/D MP3 ficathon
Song: Sneaker Pimps - Bloodsport
Rating: PG, PG-13 if you’re touching about a tad of swearing
Words: 1031
Notes: This is rather angsty. Also, it’s what I’d call truncated pre-H/D. Thanks to Haikofu and Broken Angel for doing a great beta on very short notice!




It had been two years. Two years to the day. He remembered it clearly—-he’d been there. He’d seen green eyes--determined but never scared--as a blast of similar green had been aimed at himself. He’d watched as Harry jumped in front, absorbing the blast and saving Draco.

Draco had never quite forgiven him. What right did Harry have to be so fucking noble? Of course as soon as he’d disposed of Voldemort, Harry had come to make sure Draco was safe. He had come just in time to block the killing curse Lucius Malfoy sent towards his son. And the second time Harry was hit with Avada Kedavra, it caused much more damage than a simple scar on his forehead. With the current political feeling, though, Draco probably would have been safer dead than alive. He could not remember a day without a muttered death threat or a hexed envelope in his mailbox. In death, a person’s redeeming qualities were remembered, while the rest were forgotten. In life, people weren’t nearly so forgiving. Harry had traded his own life, a life that would have surely been filled with happiness and fame and money and everything else anyone could possibly want, for Draco’s life. Harry didn’t realize, or maybe didn’t care, that the wizarding world saw Harry’s sacrifice as Draco’s fault--like Draco had asked Harry to die for him--and no one viewed Draco’s life as a gain worth the loss of their hero.

Draco laughed mirthlessly. He didn’t blame them. He thought Harry’s life was worth more too, and he would give anything to have their positions reversed. He looked down at Harry’s grave. It was simple, right next to his parent’s. He hadn’t wanted excess adoration, and his will forbade the building of any large monument. Still, there was nothing he could do to prevent the presents admirers heaped upon him. At any given time, even so long after his death, there were so many flowers and tokens piled around the unassuming headstone that the only words on it--Harry James Potter, July 31 1980-September 27 2001--were all but indistinguishable. Not like anyone needed to look at the headstone to know whose grave this was.

If their positions were reversed, if Draco were dead, his grave would be the absolute opposite of Harry’s. It would have a large looming marker, costing more than the entire Weasley clan made in a year, but no one would visit and cry over him.

Harry would, whispered a traitor voice in his head. He smashed the thought with memories of Harry holding the youngest Weasley’s hand, of Harry laughing with Granger, of Harry sneaking off with Padma Patil for illicit snogging behind the greenhouse. Harry, if Harry were to come to visit his grave, would only come out of a sense of duty to see a colleague. Harry would visit Draco’s grave, stand there for a few seconds, maybe place a small token on it, and then go back to his warm cozy house where a lovely wife and an adorable child awaited him. He wouldn’t come the way Draco came to Harry’s grave--empty-handed, weekly, for hours.

Draco couldn’t explain why Harry’s death affected him so much. Draco didn’t even particularly like Harry, the little git. Even when they were working on the same side, they’d spent most of their time together snapping and snarking at each other. All of their friends would have sworn they hated each other. So why was Draco showing up at Harry’s grave so consistently? Before Harry had died, Draco hadn’t thought that he’d grieve overly much if Harry were actually to die. Of course, he knew he wouldn’t be pleased, as he had thought he would be in his school days, but he hadn’t expected this emptiness, this feeling that when Harry died, he’d taken all the good in the world with him.

His mother had warned him not to get close to people when he was younger, right around when his father went into Azkaban for the first time. “Affection is weakness. It is something that does no one any good, and it is the easiest emotion to exploit,” she had told him. “Don’t let yourself fall into that trap.” Draco supposed that in some ways she was right. He must have cared about Harry in some way, somehow, or he wouldn’t be feeling this hurt, this fucking bitter. It should have been him six feet under, not Harry. He ought to be the one who was dead.

Draco heard footsteps coming up behind him. Reflexes honed from the war and enhanced by being--less than popular--in the wizarding world had him spinning around, wand out, before even seeing who was coming. He scowled as a shock of red hair came up the path. Ron Weasley. What a pleasure.

“What are you doing here, Malfoy?” demanded Weasley, a glare to match Draco’s on his face. Draco said nothing. How could he answer a question when he didn’t know the answer? Weasley’s scowl deepened at Draco’s apparent disrespect. “Harry wouldn’t want you loitering around. Why don’t you go home to your wonderful Death Eater friends? Oh, wait, they’re all in Azkaban, aren’t they? What a pity.”

Draco didn’t bother trying to explain to Weasley, once again, that Draco was no longer affiliated with Death Eaters. He had thought hard about which side to choose, but ultimately, it all came down to Potter. Just like everything else. Draco had realized that in the end, he could never face Potter with the intent of killing him, and that was what a Death Eater would have been expected to do. It wasn’t that he liked Potter, but--they had gone to school together. He’d spent so much time antagonizing Potter and laughing at him that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if Potter was gone. But Draco didn’t waste words on people like Weasley, people who would never understand the complexity of others emotions. Instead, he looked at Weasley for a few more seconds, then turned and walked away, the crunch of fallen leaves under his feet the only sound in the deserted cemetery.

Date: 2004-12-16 06:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-plebe.livejournal.com
Truncated H/D is always the best kind of angst. :DD

Poor poor Draco. :(( The world is against him, no matter what.

Date: 2004-12-19 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whimseywisp.livejournal.com
Well, in the spirit of adding commentary, I would like to say that this was a pretty amazing read. I'm trying to find the bits that most affected me, and all I can say is that it all touched me very deeply. It was very honest and brutal and sparse. I loved your Draco very much, and I wonder if this isn't more canon than anything I've read lately.

<3

Date: 2005-03-07 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hikethekilt.livejournal.com
Oh, darling--that was good. So cold and angsty and alone. And deep. I enjoyed that.

My theory of self-deprecating authors stands firm. :)

Date: 2005-03-07 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hikethekilt.livejournal.com
Really truly.

Why thank me? You wrote it. :D *SMOOCH*

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