You can't make this shit up
Jul. 16th, 2006 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aidenfireOver the past few days, the paper has been so weird--there were so many absolutely crack-a-riffic articles. Some good crack, some bad, and some just plain weird. Good, for example, was the article about women using training strategies employed by exotic animal trainers to get their guys to do what they want instead of generic nagging. Ahahaha. For the win.
Weird things included a girl who was returning to a talent show for the second year. The paper reported that "Robinson said participating last year helped her to refine her singing. 'My voice was different then,' she said. 'I didn't really know how to hit the notes'" (empahsis mine.) OH MY GOD. Remind me to never, ever go to that talent show. laksdfldksfklds. WHY? Just, WHY?
Also, you all do realize that Tom Cruise's "baby" has still not been seen--almost three months after "birth"? Ahahah. Who do they really think they're fooling? I don't know a single person who believes there actually was a baby...and if there was, Tommy probably would have eaten it. Just sayin'.
My paper also does these little "Viewpoint" things where I think anyone who wants to can write an opinion piece of 500 words or so and have it published. There was a viewpoint titled "'Press 1 for English' a slap in the face." I can't even begin to quote the amounts of WTF-ery in it, but choice bits include, in a section when the narrator is at the bank:
"...after I pocketed my cash, for the heck of it I informed the young girl, "You know, I really resent having to press 1 for English when I use your telephone computer thingy that tells you your account balance. At your next departmental meeting, just for the heck of it, would you express that you had a displeased customer on that issue."
And there's more, saying "I wonder what would my grandparents have done. They arrived in this country unable to speak hardly a word of English. I wonder if they would have been able to press 3 for Polish? Naaa, they learned to speak and write English. Solved that issue for them!"
The article ends with "What a slap in the face to the millions of our military veterans--press 1 for English!"
OMG WTF. First, just for the heck of it, maybe I should suggest the author of the article acquire a more solid grip on that English language thingy before he writes into the paper. Secondly, I guess I must have forgotten. Far be it from us to be welcoming, accepting, or open minded! What was I thinking, even considering that businesses might want to serve all their customers well? What sort of silly idea was that? We're Americans gol-darn-it, and all those dirty fence-jumpers can just suck it up! Man. I'm sure glad that author cleared things up for me. Just for the heck of it.
There was also a letter to the editor, talking about the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation who is (*gasp!* *shock!*) giving condoms! to the poor in Africa, in an effort to fight AIDS and general overpopulation and the problems that come with that. This is, clearly, a terrible idea, because:
"To export contraceptives, condoms or abortion methods to the poor worldwide is an insult to their dignity. It's also disobedient to God, the creator, who told Adam and Eve to `be fruitful and multiply.'"
oh my god. No condoms because we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply. I kind of think things were different when there were, according to Genesis, only TWO PEOPLE ON THE WHOLE PLANET!
"Free condoms for the poor only perpetuate the sinful, risky, sexual promiscuity that continues among the heterosexual and homosexual populations."
I--no words. I think this author is missing the point. That "sinful, risky, sexual promiscuity" would happen regardless of whether condoms were there or not. Condoms aren't perfect. But they're a hell of a lot better than nothing, and the more people using them, and the more education they have on proper use of condoms, the safer the general population will be.
"Bill and Melinda Gates, Warren Buffett, Bono and the like must want to depopulate heaven as well as Earth. For enabling someone to sin, or continue on in a risky situation, is not a philanthropic endeavor, it's an act of hatred for the poor they claim to serve."
omgwtf. *shakes head* No, guys, let's not try to help people who need it. I think that's a really bad idea.
There was also a little insert done by teen journalists, which was a cool idea if I didn't buy everything in it. There was one article that made me think a lot. It was about abstinence, and avoiding premarital sex. And in reading the article, something occurred to me for the first time.
When people really don't have sex until marriage, they get married very young for, y'know, obvious reasons. And, I'm sure you all know the stats on marriage. In the US, more than half of marriages end in divorce, and the odds of a successful marriage plummet the younger the couple is. So, these good young kids get married when they're 20. They get divorced by the time they're 25 and they're back in the dating pool, except it's shallower now. They might have kids they have to worry about. They might be (understandably) bitter, or upset, or cynical, or just not ready to date, and by the time they are, more and more people are going off the market every day and it's harder to find new partners.
I have real issues with getting married before both the people are 100% certain, and it seems to me that the sex issue would just make people rush into marriage before they're really ready. According to an article Time magazine did a while ago, the brain isn't even fully developed in most people until they're 25. Making a decision of the magnitude of getting married before you're really really thinking things through and considering the long term and are truly prepared for everything marriage entails just makes me nervous.
OK. *gets off soapbox* Now look at that. A post of substance about something other than my own little life. Wow. :)
Oooh, and! Happy birthday![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
remarked and klave!
Weird things included a girl who was returning to a talent show for the second year. The paper reported that "Robinson said participating last year helped her to refine her singing. 'My voice was different then,' she said. 'I didn't really know how to hit the notes'" (empahsis mine.) OH MY GOD. Remind me to never, ever go to that talent show. laksdfldksfklds. WHY? Just, WHY?
Also, you all do realize that Tom Cruise's "baby" has still not been seen--almost three months after "birth"? Ahahah. Who do they really think they're fooling? I don't know a single person who believes there actually was a baby...and if there was, Tommy probably would have eaten it. Just sayin'.
My paper also does these little "Viewpoint" things where I think anyone who wants to can write an opinion piece of 500 words or so and have it published. There was a viewpoint titled "'Press 1 for English' a slap in the face." I can't even begin to quote the amounts of WTF-ery in it, but choice bits include, in a section when the narrator is at the bank:
"...after I pocketed my cash, for the heck of it I informed the young girl, "You know, I really resent having to press 1 for English when I use your telephone computer thingy that tells you your account balance. At your next departmental meeting, just for the heck of it, would you express that you had a displeased customer on that issue."
And there's more, saying "I wonder what would my grandparents have done. They arrived in this country unable to speak hardly a word of English. I wonder if they would have been able to press 3 for Polish? Naaa, they learned to speak and write English. Solved that issue for them!"
The article ends with "What a slap in the face to the millions of our military veterans--press 1 for English!"
OMG WTF. First, just for the heck of it, maybe I should suggest the author of the article acquire a more solid grip on that English language thingy before he writes into the paper. Secondly, I guess I must have forgotten. Far be it from us to be welcoming, accepting, or open minded! What was I thinking, even considering that businesses might want to serve all their customers well? What sort of silly idea was that? We're Americans gol-darn-it, and all those dirty fence-jumpers can just suck it up! Man. I'm sure glad that author cleared things up for me. Just for the heck of it.
There was also a letter to the editor, talking about the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation who is (*gasp!* *shock!*) giving condoms! to the poor in Africa, in an effort to fight AIDS and general overpopulation and the problems that come with that. This is, clearly, a terrible idea, because:
"To export contraceptives, condoms or abortion methods to the poor worldwide is an insult to their dignity. It's also disobedient to God, the creator, who told Adam and Eve to `be fruitful and multiply.'"
oh my god. No condoms because we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply. I kind of think things were different when there were, according to Genesis, only TWO PEOPLE ON THE WHOLE PLANET!
"Free condoms for the poor only perpetuate the sinful, risky, sexual promiscuity that continues among the heterosexual and homosexual populations."
I--no words. I think this author is missing the point. That "sinful, risky, sexual promiscuity" would happen regardless of whether condoms were there or not. Condoms aren't perfect. But they're a hell of a lot better than nothing, and the more people using them, and the more education they have on proper use of condoms, the safer the general population will be.
"Bill and Melinda Gates, Warren Buffett, Bono and the like must want to depopulate heaven as well as Earth. For enabling someone to sin, or continue on in a risky situation, is not a philanthropic endeavor, it's an act of hatred for the poor they claim to serve."
omgwtf. *shakes head* No, guys, let's not try to help people who need it. I think that's a really bad idea.
There was also a little insert done by teen journalists, which was a cool idea if I didn't buy everything in it. There was one article that made me think a lot. It was about abstinence, and avoiding premarital sex. And in reading the article, something occurred to me for the first time.
When people really don't have sex until marriage, they get married very young for, y'know, obvious reasons. And, I'm sure you all know the stats on marriage. In the US, more than half of marriages end in divorce, and the odds of a successful marriage plummet the younger the couple is. So, these good young kids get married when they're 20. They get divorced by the time they're 25 and they're back in the dating pool, except it's shallower now. They might have kids they have to worry about. They might be (understandably) bitter, or upset, or cynical, or just not ready to date, and by the time they are, more and more people are going off the market every day and it's harder to find new partners.
I have real issues with getting married before both the people are 100% certain, and it seems to me that the sex issue would just make people rush into marriage before they're really ready. According to an article Time magazine did a while ago, the brain isn't even fully developed in most people until they're 25. Making a decision of the magnitude of getting married before you're really really thinking things through and considering the long term and are truly prepared for everything marriage entails just makes me nervous.
OK. *gets off soapbox* Now look at that. A post of substance about something other than my own little life. Wow. :)
Oooh, and! Happy birthday
remarked and klave!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-17 12:52 am (UTC)It seems that the decisions are made in the honeymoon period of dating, where everything is still rose coloured and flirty and the love of your life can do no wrong.
I've seen that happen and it usually starts a whole heck of a lot prettier than it ends. :\\\
no subject
Date: 2006-07-17 02:02 am (UTC)Ugh - I've seen the early marriage thing happen to, and you know, I could *predict* that they would fall apart. And I wonder, how come I'm the one seeing this and they can't? It's the glasses. ;)
As for marriage...awwww. It's not scary. It shouldn't be this great plunge into the unknown, and if it is, then that's a warning sign. By the time you're ready for marriage (if you decide to go down that path), you'll already be married. The ceremony is merely a formality. :)